now at my aunt's house. hahas. it was kind of fun going to school alone. taking the bus. hahas. then walking to school with that someone. and i wonder who. lame me. haiis. but i feel a sleep during humanities lesson. hahas. so tired seys. sleep late. wake up at 0530hrs. gawd(!)

i guess just treating them as my classmates and not a good friend kind of really paid off. i think. i mean, i'm not distracted that often. except sometimes only. but i guess i'm starting to get use to it. i hope i am. haiis. but i really wish they are my friends again. soon. haiis...

i guess my parents are now at Mecca already. yesterday while watching Singapore Idol, my mum sms my aunt saying she and dad at Abudabi[sorry if wrong spell]. haiis. so 10 more days till they return. miss my house. tomorrow i going lerr. take my things and also at 1400hrs got band. school finish at 1310hrs. so might as well balik to my house then go school instead of going back to Sengkang. haiis. and MUST remember to bring my handphone charger!!! hahas.

oh by the way, thanks haris for letting me use the computer. haiis. ok ah i want go watch television. haiis...

i hate you(!) [ my owner ] p.s. next time i tell you why.

today is house visting day. not me go visit. people come visit me house. why(?) because my parents tomorrow going Umrah. haiis. tired seys today. woke up at 0830hrs. clean up the whole house till 1200hrs. tired. *yawn*. cik milah and abang halim and mak misha came at around 1530hrs. went home around 1600hrs. then nenek came. still here. now makcik and abang remy come. i did get to steal some time to sleep just now when nenek came. haiis. but i'm still tired urhs. pack all my bag already. later sending me and me bro's back to achu's house. gawd(!) abang halim look hot seys. no offence. hahas. but he damn tall. haiis. mum made popiah basah. pedas and nice. yummy. gawd(!) hahahas. makcik screaming with her mouth close. hahas. she using the reflexology machine. hahas. cute. haiis, hope later achu all and cik saniah all come urhs. haiis. feel like it's Hari Raya. hahas. but it's like so far seys before the real celebration. guess going to miss my parents. haiis.

so tomorrow at 1030hrs my parents must be at Changi Airport. all of me cousins will be there as well. to say fare well. haiis. but at 1330hrs then they leave. haiis. going to miss them seys. and also tomorrow when my parents leave, there will be alot of hugging and crying among the wives. haiis. by the way, my parents not going alone. they go with Halijjah the group urhs. they'll be back on the 8june, i think. haiis.

oh gawd(!) delon sing so sweet(!) haiis. but like the sengau sengau. hahas no offence.

tomorrow is also 1year anniversary to RRELIFF(!) may you two last long and forever. ariff, jager her baik-baik tau. smile smile. congrates to you both. (:

so ya i'm stupid. i fail literature and maths badly. ya, it's true. i hate literature. i don't have tuition for both maths and science. are you happy now teacher(?) gaah. and my mum is so the urgh(!) you could have at least talk nicely to me. this, you shout here and there. just jump to conclusion. how can i not be aggresive. also your husband like that what. so can't scold me. too bad. gaah.

PTM was kind of horrible and boring and monotone-less. horrible because i fell a sleep. boring as i was alone, nevermind. monotone-less as it was, no offence, waste of mine and my mum's time. haiis. so once again, i was left out alone again. the others were laughing all the way. good la. also, amirah nabilah came back. they all comforted and welcomed her. i didn't get any chance to talk to her. if get, it was very rare. so i was kind of sad. but what to do. that's what i get so ya. haiis...

lutfi la, matin la, somemore who(?) all guys. if you get to know one, all the friends of his also nak tau. haiis. that's your nature. so i won't comment anything. haiis...

eh sorry ah.i never hear you call seys. i know i suppose to kick him. ya i know. i getting blind and deaf. happy(?) but one day i'm going to kick him. but he got to tell me what's the threat he's giving me. muahaha. hahas. haiis...

i feel that being with you really put a lot burden to you. but don't get this statement wrong. because it's a fact. when i'm with a guy, i'll get hated. i don't even know why. maybe my nature, was to be single. don't you agree with me girls(?) the guy i'm with now deserve someone better right(?) consider it done. i'm meant to be single. that's why there's a saying ''single rocks''. and it does. so ya. haiis...

starting from today, i want to change. i won't tell how and what. but i'll change. someday somehow. but it will all begin now. raudhah will get a new life.

that reminds me. i got to go do my homework. ciao.

gaah. later got PTM. noooo(!) what seys. if can i don't want to go seys. my mum also don't want. neither does my dad. whee~


just now went home with kak ain and saiful. thanks kak ain for helping you. love you like my kakak. hehe.


i hope now everything alright. i know my mistake. i realise it. i'll change alright. haiis.

ok ah got to go. i'm late. kind of. byeeee...

i won't cry anymore. whatever you say, it won't have any effect. but i do feel it. tebalkan muker katerkan. i know my attitude and behaivour are like shit and all. i know, to you i step cute. especially yesterday with the mouse i bought from 2/2. i know i feel outcast. i know i look like a witch with the big red pimple on my nose. i know other people also can't stand my attitude. and so what if i become quiet(?) fine, so what you act cold towards me.so what people take concern on why i become quiet. so what i want to help in CIP. so what i come sit with you like orang giler jemput diri sendiri. so many so what. but at least i could have the right to have friends and know the reason why you all feel irritated by me. i don't wish to cry, to fight, to whatever. but if any of you want to scream at me, go ahead. i know one of you do. so go ahead. say out all your fucking shit comments about me straight to my face. i know i can't fit in. i'll accept that. but i could at least have friends with others. you stare at people when they come to me and talk to me. yo murmured and mouthed out to others when you see people comfort me. you even mumbled something when i jemput diri sendiri to join you. this is all repeating again, huh(?) all the same routine again. i don't wish to be rude. but why me(?) of all people, you pin-pointed me. of all the fucking shit attitude, it had to be me though i was trying to change. everything had to be me. but you know what, i don't care. helping for a good cause, fine. wah. all take the same stream. and when you saw what stream i took, you gave me the impression like i gotta be kidding right. hey get this. NO(!) i have a heart to study. not to rule or judge people around. and don't judge a book by its cover and don't jump to conclusion. i know i'm not up-to-date about hot stuffs in school. hey, so be it. i don't wish to be trap in your stupid stories again. other people you can tolerate, not me. other people can act cute, not me[i never act cute, swear]. it's impossible you are jealous of me. because you got the beauty, the attitude, the personality the everything to be at the top. but you know what. that doesn't matter to me. i hate to have grudges on people. and if you intend to make me, then save for some other people. insult me, critise, whatever shit me, but i won't have grudges. i'll let whatever be, be alright. no use and no point i moan and cry and do stupid things over this. i got better things to do. and so do you. so don't just go around saying and whatever-ing around about people who doesn't do anything to you yet you made it as though they did. sorry to say all this.but i'm just saying in general. so don't twist and turn all my words. what i say here i mean it all. you yourself don't realise it and you say i don't realise it. i realise it, but i doubt you do. because you think you are always right. in general, i'm not referring to one person. so take it to consideration. gaah. sorry once again. i mean it when i'm sorry. but you say i don't. well, suit yourself. because i know i mean it when i'm sorry. it's your lost or win. it's up to you aite.

lelaki itu sudah giler atau aper(?) gaah. delete my pic from your friendster profile can, zikir(?) urgh(!) fuck sia.

so, i guess it may all have a link huhs(?) haiis. malas nak blog. ciao.

miss my owner. nyehnyeh.

nag nag nag. that's all i ever get. nevermind. haiis.just got back from ngaji. thought don't have seys. where i know got. always i go, pintu tutup per. haiis...

today i was kind of lost mood urhs. due to something. shan't post it here. but the good news was. I ATE 11 PIECES OF CHICKENS!!! to hilangkan my stress and moody-ness. nyeh2. crazy raudhah. and come on. it was CHEAP(!) come students of Pasir Ris Crest. buy 2/3's chickens(!) NO regrets buying seys. really. hahas.

so i told him the truth. heys, i know what i did was wrong and evil enough. i'm truly sorry. i'm glad that i am honest to you. and vice versa. i hope everything shall be alright, alright(?) hahas. heys, hanisah, farreha and ariff. thanks for advicing me and all. thank you so much. i owe you guys one. a really big one.

i feel like got nothing much to update. just... i'm getting to be more sarcastic and aggresive after that incident with my home tutor. wtf. see la(!) because of YOU, i become like that. HELP ME(!) i don't want to be my oldself back(!) no(!)

how does it feel to be at home 24/7(?) hmms...

by the way, sorry azri. i'll retype the poem. hehe.


i scream

you scream

we ALL scream

for ice cream


hahas. nyeh2. haiis, tomorrow school. dang(!) sure will see his face one. urgh(!) i don't wish too seys. just someone. gaah.

A WEEK more to go. TADUMMM(!) hahas. i got nothing much to say.

am i falling for someone who i SHOULDN'T fall for but yet i am(?) gaah. i'm clueless.

rre, go fishing. hahas. so cute the boy stand so patiently. next time we go. hahas.

singapore idol was funny. so many crap seys. hahas. singapore cowboy and kungfu rapper. hahas. so the tak kener. gaah.

what only seys. the ball TER-hit the keyboard of your notebook pun nak act like that. crap. gaah.

phew(!) just now. haiis. how how(?) haiis. went to do the keychains thingy with rre. but... haiis...

then now i just got back from my fav. cousin house. eat pizza pizza pizza. hahas. perut pun sidah jelak with pizza. hahas. haiis.

nag and nag and nag. always like that. so the fuck-ed up seys. gaah.

never call or whatever him today. don't feel like it. want to be away from him for awhile. haiis. gaah. i want to sleep. good night.


azri's poem :-

i scream
you scream
we scream
for ice cream

cute one azri. and i'm not a drum chick. hahas.


night people.

wah. how much more worse can she be(?) i mean, you ARE threatening me AND amirah nabilah. gaah. is that how a teacher should be(?) i doubt so. what kind of teacher are you(?) you DON'T always have to be the first teacher to know everything about us right. if you are just jealous, SAY IT(!) i'm so fuck-ed up by the way you treat us. some kind of teacher you are. you even fail counselling. you are NOT the approachable kind. so, get off the ride. gaah.

i guess me and amirah nabilah are ok. haiis, people say it's weird. about our friendship. one moment we fought. the next, friends again. we confront one another. we spat out all the faults we made. then we be friends again. good friend(?) maybe. yayness. hahas. you know. amirah nabilah told me just now that zaidah ibrahim told her just now that many teachers are complaining about her attitude. and you know what(!) that WAS what that zaidah said to me. EXACTLY(!) liar sia she. not amirah nabilah. it's so FAKE(!) where can we get the same right. bloody hell. gaah. i hate my home tutor. she's NOT my mother and NOT my teacher that i want to give my respect to. so get that(!) hate me all you want. because i hate you too. in a sense.

haiis, just now got the stupid Good Deed thingy. a PATHETIC pen. wow. i cover my face seys when i went out. bloody hell. i know la. people all CAN'T believe raudhah mohamed got that good deed thingy. hahas. all my friends laugh and were SHOCKED(!) razzan was all so happy. *bore*. anyway, how is he??? clueless raudhah. hahas. i got teased by matin and iskandar. hmpf. hahas. oh ya. took four neoprints of matin's. hahas. what only raudhah.

hey, look. i'm sorry ok. to cause trouble. not really trouble but you know ah. take your neos and pretend it was lost. haiis. honestly, i had a huge headache pain and i went a little over board of my craziness. so sorry. haiis. feel bad seys.

shamaine(!) happy... erm... 2months kan(?) ah. Happy 2 Months Anni. hahas. lame raudhah.

tomorrow go do the keychains with rre and...??? haiis. haven't told my dad. just have to say, left the remaining. need to finish it up. and we're DONE(!) then comes the 11july performance. *groans*.

i love him many many(!) hahas.

i didn't know we had a good friendship bond. it was so fast huh. one moment we were in a cat fight. the next we were friends once again. i'm glad we are friends again. a small misunderstanding can lead to a huge one and serious one. due to a big mouth. thanks farreha for telling me what happen. *smiles*

so today me, aminabi, rre, nur amirah, izzah, naeem, nadzirah, siska and namira decided to do the keychains all. good news : fabrics all bought. bda news : we didn't had the templete. *sads* so everyone except izzah, nadzirah and naeem went to maryam's house to do the templete. sadly, we can't use the computer. due to some reasons. so we all decided to plan on our upcoming performance on 110706. wow. it was alot that we thought of. hahas. then we went to maryam's room and had fun. siska and namira went home by then. we talk about the CIP thingy and the performance. we talked, laughed, scream, dance, sing all till 5pm. then we, except maryam, went to downtown east to eat. we ate at mac donald's. then went home. haiis. so just now i had just finish doing the templete. just need to send to rre so she can print out and get started. haiis.

how fun it is having no school. haiis, but not when your dad take leave that is. hahas.

oh ok lutfi. go ah go tell matin everything. but i'll still compete with you in who can laugh the most. just watch. hahahas.


friends always with amirah nabilah bte jaafar. smile smile :)

raudhah's day again today. whatthehell(?) this time, my head had a little bleeding. oh whatever the hell. hahas. see i'm happy. i don't wish to post what happen. it will ONLY embarrass that person. so i don't wish too. and this was how you treat me. oh wow. what greatness. my silence doesn't mean i forgive or don't forgive you. i'll just remain silence. and one more thing. don't ever poison any innocent friends of us to have them on your side to hate us ok. say sorry for all you want. i don't know if it is a sincere one or what. only god knows. you take it as a joke, your lost. honest apology, ok. no, i don't know. it's your bet and your lost.

haiis, i know what i did to myself was not worth it and not logical. i'm sorry ok. and oh yes. a big thank you to PIMPSTERS for helping me. i'm so grateful. thanks for everything that you girls did just now. i don't know how to repay you girls. thank you once again. erm, umaimah. you went from under the door right(?) you can fit through ah(?) hmmms, clueless raudhah. haiis...

sorry to make my friends all worried. all of my friends. sorry.

eh, i've stood up for my rights way enough. i won't go beyond my limit line. i do have a stand after my line. but my true definition of stand up for my rights is physical actions. and i don't wish to bring back that fucking attitude of mine. it's really hard for me to throw away that attitude when my surroundings prevent me from doing so. and why must you always shout and get easily angry??? urgh(!) at least someone understands. unlike you. sorry to say this urhs ok. but you just don't truly understand us, your students. and want to show your angriness towards us just now just because we didn't see you just now. like that, how to solve things out, you tell me(?) lucky now all sorted out. for now that is. thanks to that someone that can really understand us. haiis, i really hate to have grudges on anyone. including people who despise me badly or whatsoever.

matin matin matin, eh sorry ah. what sey you. the deal is too hard for me ok. but ok you got the deal. haiis. why you sake worried??? relax. i'm ok, ok. and thanks for paksa-ing me to eat just now. haiis. don't worry too much ok. smile smile :)

tomorrow is holiday. not really ah. off- in lieu. something like that urhs. haiis, maybe go izzah's house do all the keychains. must do that first. then the cornflakes thingy. all are doing well. haiis. tomorrow you go jamming yarh(?) hahas. ok.

gaah. lutfi you jaga. hahas. aper jer.

ouch(!) my head still hurts seys. i know. because i hit my head. so i get the consequences. haiis. honestly, i do break promises when i totally lost control of myself. but i try to build up my guts and all ok.

raidah, i'm sorry. i never ever hated or had grudges on you. never in a life time. in this story, you are not involve ok. just don't get your mind too poisoned ok. haiis...

i think i had enough of updating. *moans* hungry again. :P

gawd(!) never go ngaji. too tired after excessive amout of crying. haiis...

gawd(!) got back my results. it was bad. haiis, haven't tell my parents yet. now all i bad mood. whatever the hell. haiis, ok well.
-english : paper1-34 paper2-31
-maths : paper1-22 paper2-17
-geography : 68
gaah. all not good sey. i did badly. sobbx. just have to wait for tomorrow to find out the rest. haiis...

just now no assembly. haiis, so nur amirah, hanisah, farreha, faqiha, felicia and izzah went to do the promoting thingy. then, i had to substitute izzah(like soccer sey. hahas). me, felicia and faqiha did promoting from sec3 to sec5. urgh(!) frustrating sey. my knuckles went blue black. AGAIN. gaah. went into 4/2. so malu. LUTFI(!) i'm so going to kill you if i HAVE to. grrr... so the malu sey. i have to do the talk thingy again. but we did take turns urhs. walao(!) got insulted alot seys. whatthehell(?) ok but we did get orders ok(!) we were almost done ah, but had to ask nur amirah all to help us. haiis. i was really trembling like jelly sey. almost all classes i go, sure got someone know me one. and so the malu. then some even made fun of me seys. haiis, just because i was the same girl who that time gave the stupid drink coupon thingy. haiis, but i did had fun. also help me to shake away those fear of being in front of public. *smiles* tomorrow me, hanisah, farreha and nur amirah do the remaining classes. erm, around 7 classes urhs. haiis, farah, you don't sad sad ok. smile smile.

he say he never come. but why i saw him going home just now(?) oh ok. because i never face the class. i covered my face and keep looking down. haiis, i kill you then you know. ok ah matin, i kill your friend tau. you kill two, i kill one. alright(?) *grins* hahas. what crap only we two.

ok alot people are being to suspect. urgh(!) suspect what(?) i also don't know. hahas.

oh my gawd(!) when i left the clarinet section, i can play th clarinet WELL(!) gaah. but now i in percussion. so, haiis. damn(!) have to play the timpani. ya. bully me la. whatever the hell.

i and friends could have PAU TO-ED(correct spelling?) her seys. hahas. but we can't haiis. ohs well. there's always a NEXT TIME. muahahahahahahahahahahahaha... hahas. evil raudhah.

oh my gawd(!) faris look so hot sey. hahas. sorry ehk faris if terbaca this. faris yang last year 4/9 lerr. hahas. but chill i have no whatever feelings ok. hahas. sorry.

so i guess i was still allow to go out with hanisah and friends huh. haiis, it was fun. so the kecoh seys. and i heard almost half of 2/5 went to watch Poseidon. haiis, didn't get the chance to watch any movie as all tickets were sold out. haiis, i was on time home for once. reach home, stragiht away went for ngaji. got home from ngaji at 1930hrs. yayness. oh hanisah(!) i'm so proud of you. rre, you too kans kans kans(?) hahas.so well, i had fun with my friends just now. maybe on 180406 go out again. all girls out. eh hanisah, you want to watch Da Vinci Code(?) hmmms...

gawd(!) my ez-link left 0.50 bucks. ahhh(!) must top up soon. how(?) thinking raudhah. gaah. i'll find a way somehow.

oh great. tomorrow is back to school. we will get back our MYE RESULTS ahhh(!) i hope i did well in all my subjects. *freaking out*. i scared sey i do badly. later my parents will comment this and that. gaah. and tomorrow CCA start. *groan*.

sis lya(!) i'm so PROUD of you. and PROUD of you am i. yayness. by the way, saw raimi and fazly at bugis there. wonder what they doing there. hmmms... *winks*.

guess i'm brain dead on what to update about anymore. gaah.

want to eat PIZZA. home-made lerr. AGAIN(!) yummy. hahas. outs :)


by the way, to that guy. i have my ways of hacking alright.*winks*

ok so it was wrong for raudhah bte mohamed to hang out with her good friends that are boys. though there are MORE girls than boys. wtf. i mean come on. i know them for about a year now. i know what they are like. and you still banned me from going out with them. you know the boys. i told you about them. they are not onto any stupid things right. urgh(!) here was what happen yesterday night.

rau: ba besok anta krete pukul brape(?)
dad: pagi pukul 7.
rau: oh ok
dad: ni besok ni pergi dgn sape ni(?)
rau: the usuals ah. ah, nisah, farreha, bobo, umar and shafiq.
dad: ader bdk laki(?)
rau: ah. but the usual boys ah. kwn baik ah.
dad: asl ader tige laki dan tiger pompan.

ok fast foward. i had to tell him all the fucking detail. he even ask who was shafiq. when i told him already who was shafiq... LAST YEAR. then i go into my room. then suddenly my dad shouted. ''eh rau. aku tak suker ko gi tengok movie kalau ader laki. rau kau kluar skarg. i want to talk to you.'' i went out then he lectured me habis habis. for god sake(!) i'm telling the TRUTH ok(!) why must you always BELIT BELIT my words(?)(!) then got this one point he cakap this.

dad: nanti lepas korang tengok movie, satu pompan gi dgn satu laki. lagi satu dgn lain. nanti lame kelamean asyik korg duer jer. nanti satu hari korg duduk kat bawa pokok tak tau buat ape baru ko tau. nanti perut ko boncet, ko tanggung sendiri.

bloody hell you know. i WON'T go to that bloody extreme kan. why must you think so the bloody far(?)urgh(!)

i bet you don't even know i cried BADLY. this has totally NO logical sense. you say i'm a girl. understandable. but you want me to dress like a BOY. but hang out with GIRLS and no BOYS. wtf is this??? i might as well go for plastic surgery and be a boy instead of a girl right. urgh(!) i hate my life. ok no offence. whatever he said was not meant
for me. but someone else. i don't wish to post the name here. but my dad totally is for her and not me. urgh(!) you know what. if this is how you want it, fine you get it. i'll be a girl but dress like boy. also it's because you NEVER had a daughter(!) that's why you don't know what a girl is like. urgh(!) sorry matin. i don't wish to involve my mum in this. you know why kan. haiis, what's the use of having a daughter parent bonding if everytime i try they say i got a muslihat behind it. and you know the muslihat is(?) i want money. eh bloody hell(!) is it even wrong to be close to you, my parents(?) i feel like i'm not in the family. sobxx. and to the extend you ask me who was the guy i went with that time to buy bubbletea. he is MATIN sec4 and where he live??? i don't know. it PROVES that i and HIM got NOTHING going on OK(!)

rre, sorry if i go lambat. my parents tak kasi keluar till 1pm. but you and the rest carry on first alright.

i'm not being wild and rebellious when i had the freedom to go out ok. i go out when it's a holiday. and that's also wrong for me to go out. why(?) because raudhah already go out so many time this year. what only sey. i hardly go out ok. when it's school, IT'S SCHOOL. when it's holiday, IT'S HOLIDAY(!) gaah. i want to cry.

gawd(!) i'm itching everywhere. so many mosquitoe bites. nevermind. i'll die faster what.

oh wow. so today is Mummy's Day. wow. not. what does the family of Mohamed do on Mummy's Day(?) pratically nothing but NAGGING(!) urgh(!) i'm so the fed up sey. bake the roti nyer pasal pun gaduh. whatthehell(?)

sorry, tomorrow i going out with friends ok. i'll be going ngaji malam. so there's no such thing as ''besok tak sekolah, pergi siang la. aper hal plak nak gi malam'' to me. i already plan my Marking Day holiday, and you came up with that late. so too bad. i don't mean to be rude alright. but sometimes you really piss me and my bother off. my dad another one. only know how to order people. but never help. i know i know. you done so many things so now it's my turn, as a daughter, to do the chores and all bla the bla the bla. gaah(!)

hanisah, tomorrow you following tak(?) follow ah. please. bobo and umar can't go. haiis. ajak him alright. please. haiis...
haiis, why can't parents be a little only a little bit understanding about their children(?) i'm clueless. clueless raudhah. i'm practically clueless about almost EVERYTHING(!) i hate being me(!) urgh(!)

++++++++++++++++++++
why did i have to go through all this
why was my life destine to be like this
what more obstacle must i go through
what more sufferings and giving suffers must i do have
where is the light that once shone
but now faded
when will it shine again
to show me the path
towards the ending of darkness
and out to reality and brightness
how much longer must i hold on
just to get back on the road
how long must i suffer
till i found someone
to show me the true meaning
.......... of life ..........

how much more longer(?)
++++++++++++++++++++

haiis, i hope there will be a light soon. missing my owner.

ok so this monday, plan may cancel. he going the jamming lerr. nevermind. i told him to go jamming even if it was last minute plan ah. haiis, so maybe i go help hanisah and nur amirah do the sample thingy. haiis...

hanisah, you can tell ah i got problem. ok here's the problem. i don't know what's my problem. haiis, maybe because... i don't know. i don't wish to post it. but i'll tell you when i feel like it alright(?) haiis, having suicide thoughts again. haiis...
what the hell is wrong with that ITE bedok guy(?)(!) since when did i admire him??? gaah. eh i don't mean to be rude. but jangan perasan boleh tak(?) haiis, i only like your voice. ITU ajer. nothing more alright. what is ever going to happen to my life??? abg helmi la luqman la bla bla bla la(!)

gawd(!) i've been getting mosquitoe bites all over my body. ok not all over. but almost alright. gees. i scared i suffering from dengue sey. i scared it's a symptom. wait.... is it a symptom i'm getting dengue fever(?)(!) aaaahhhhh(!)

haiis, haiis, haiis. so many haiis-ing sey. i'm brain dead. gawd(!) when can i truly learn how to play my damn fucking guitar(?) ok i'm learning so many instruments, and i almost forgotten everything that i learn. urgh(!)

by the way, i gave up my chance to apply to JC. haiis. i hope i did the right thing to give up my big dreams of going there. haiis.
haiyoosh(!) ok so now what(?) you coming or not(?) if not, i go help do sample thingy. if yes, then... urgh(!) can die out of this. plan this plan that. jadi, tak jadi. haiyoosh(!)


*astaga* *breath in..2-3-4...* *breath out..2-3-4...* *astaga*


so the brain over controlling(!) haiis, ok i nak go watch MARS ATTACK(!)

yawn yawn yawn.

everyday is like the same. what's more when it's 4 days straight off school(!) urgh! going to be quite bored though. haiis, but at least on monday, probably going out ah. with friends lerr...
haiyoosh(!) when am i going to bayar my puasa back(?) urgh(!) *groan* gawd, my stomach is aching... BADLY. so many sickness i'm getting huh. i'm going to die sooner than i thought. hahas. typical raudhah.
dang(!) i miss the lepak times we all had. haiis, all the mad laughters, the chicken popcorn and bubbleteas. really miss all those.


hey be right back. got a phone call.
................................... ................................... ................................... ...................................
back.


gawd(!) wish can go lepak again. haiis, hmmm hmmm hmmm. i'm bored. bored to death. i'm also getting tired of updating this blog. can sleep. zzzzzzzzzz....... i mean what's there to update when the everyday life is bored tiring killing boredom to DEATH(?)(!) gaah(!) haiis...

i'm out of here.

so just now i went to ngaji. gawd! for once it was fast. gaah! haiis, ok also i was forced by my friend to go ngaji ok. but it was ok i guess. still talking in english with ustazah. trying to test my chinese is it(?) ok, nevermind. i'll test your english then. hahas. fun when you can disturb you ustazah as though she is your friend. but in actual fact she's your teacher huh. sweet. haiis...

next monday go out or not(?) clueless raudhah. bobo you coming or not(?) haiis, so much for planning huh. hanisah go do the sample thingy at nur amirah house. so she can't go. rre and shab got their own plans already. actually me too. but it would have gone well IF my dad hadn't take leave to sent the car for service. now he DID. so now i need help(!) orang to pakat ah. anyone(?) rreliff(?) haiis...

two more days to Mother's Day. i haven't bought or whatever crap shit for my mum. urgh(!) eh ajak achu and cik saniah go makan ah. and nenek also. whee~ kan best. haiis...



on Mother's Day. 15 april. would have been a year and a month. but it's history. but what ever the hell. haiis...

i look away at the sight of you

you gave me no hope in life to move on

i had waited long enough for you to comeback

but you never did

though for eternity,

you will never return

the lies you had kept away from me

the truths that you burn it away

all were nothing


every night the moon shines

the stars won't twinkle

but they shed to tears

till they lost the light

that shines up the life of people


the love we had

was it a promise we made

or did you

gave no promises to the love we had


sitting under the moonlight

thinking back about the past

the bitter sweet times

everything we had

faded away as time past by

it was clear now

we weren't meant for each other

what a day.

what a day.


home ec paper was so the bore. i did it with my eyes and brain close and finish it within 15 mins and rest. i did took a short nap. hahas. then waited for the dnt students to complete. not fair. matin don't have paper. hahas. then after that me and friends all cabut and balik ah. because janji go rumah shab. see baby. whee~

then at around 1 plus hanisah and farah came to my house then go pick nur amirah up. then we went to school go collect cake. lerr, only students in uniform can go in. so i lepak at the bustop. faizal sitting there. the girls in tudungs hilang don't know where. sad sey. farreha can't go. kind of quiet sey. then after take cake, me, bobo, umar, nisah and frine went to rumah shab. reach kind of late ah. the baby so cute(!) hahas. we eat then go lepak at TM. hahas. farah had to go home. so it was 3 girls and 2 boys. then go look at baju. from This Fashoin to Fox to X-craft then 77th street and Isetan. gaah! then me, bobo, umar bought this baju yang shab nak. eyh, happy ok(?) friend friend help help. smile smile alright. hahas. then nisah belanja us at print club. banyak sey yang got the word lepak. we all got the ''lepak'' virus from that someone. hahas. we were kind of behind time. and rush sey.

kamu pergi swimming ya(?) hahahahahahahahahaha... sorry lerr. smile smile ok

met with nadiah at X-Craft when me bobo go buy the baju shab nak.

met with matin at century square around 6 plus. go buy the black band thingy at Montip and then we disperse. hahas. kind of behind time lerr. ok honestly matin, you look cute when your hair tak di-apply gel ok. whee~ bobo all happy sey nampak matin. hahas. if only the fun started from the beginning. but it always start at the end ehk. then we teman hanisah take taxi. then me, bobo, matin, umar and shab take mrt stop at whitesand. met solomon, naufal, jeremy and jordon. they go jamming sey. at simei i think. wah. hahas. then we all keep saying ''lepak''. hahas. crazy la we. then me and matin go home take bus. beacause live near lerr. then i reach home kind of late. at 1910hrs. 1/2hr after my curfew. by the way, matin, saw your bodygurad lerr. hahas. haiis...

tomorrow vesak day. no school. no work. no nothing. can... lepak. hahas. i better stop saying that word already. haiis.

i had fun sey. wish to hang out with the lepak gang again. hahas. next time, the WHOLE group hang out ah. then lagi GEREK(!) and harap harap got space ah when take neos. hahas. if you know what i mean.

SHAB(!) YOUR ADIK SO CUTE(!) and it's nothing ok. we bought as we know you love it. so we bought it for you. we hope nothing from you. hahas. smile smile ok.

next monday is marking day. no school. nak hang out dengan siapa(?) dia atau hanisah all(?) clueless raudhah. because also my dad day off. so nak keluar dengan dia pun susah(!) haiis, i see first ah. whee~

today LEPAK punya la gerek. hahas. a new member was added. itu pun because me and friends ajak. hahas. gerek sey today one. more lively. haiis, ibu kamu boleh bergurau-senda yarh bersama kamu(?) sweet. hahas. then the orang mabuk. *open mouth* what only that guy. *giggles* rabak sey we laugh today. so many fun moments. hahas. bobo it's true. when normal days we tak rapat and go crazy. but bila exams, lepak brudder/sister. hahas. siapa ajar ah that(?) hehe. *thinking*...

today paper was easy i guess. actually i did struggle a little. on the bina ayat. they totally slip out of my mind sey. i don't know what happen. haiis, i think i'm going to flop. boleh suddenly almost all the BASICS faded from my brain. ALLAH! but what's done, done. down to one paper. home economics. ala, i want to fail that paper ah. haiis...


hey, um sorry ah tadi i became cold towards you over the telephone. i didn't mean to. i know i jump to conclusion. i know i shouldn't have. and see i told you, you won't know if i'm truly happy or sad. even when i was laughing like crazy with my friends, i wasn't truly happy. i never reveal my true feelings. so don't try me. blueek. hahas.


ala hai, farah farah, lain kali don't tell the whole world ok? tapi kali ini saya diam. and it's NOT i stead with matin bin othman. must say with slang. hahas.what only raudhah.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
i was being unfair towards you
i was being cold towards you
i never gave you the love that you gave me
i never achieve what you told me to
i almost lost the person i love
i almost let go of the guy i wanted
i kept my feelings inside
i kept nothing else inside
i reach out for your hand
i reach out for the love we had
what i wanted in life appeared
what i wanted forever disappeared
why was it destined to be like this
why was it destined that i be like this
our hand collided when we first got together
our love grew when we got together
what does all this mean(?)
what does all this really mean(?)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
whatever i did just now was crap. hahas. i go jiwang mood. don't what's got into me. haiis. ok i now want to go smash my fucking guitar. hahas. troots troots out-sie...

ok ok currently i'm trying to practice playing the fucking guitar again. so long never practice. i'm not even close to fair. it's ATROCIOUS. haiis.
gawd! that ITE guy freaking me out. no offence, already good you patch back with ex-ex. but then sekali like you serang me. scary. *shivers* gawd! farreha! teach me play guitar! my hands seems to not to coordinate well. same as drum. haiis. matin ajar saya main drum yarh? hahas.
gawd! operation on finding the 20bucks failed. i like traced back all the steps. yet didn't see it. someone must have kebas it. oh wells. whoever you are, you are lucky. by the way, haiis, me and matin? together? hahahas. never in a life time.[ehem(:] hahas.
tomorrow malay paper two. dang! my maths i lost 17 marks already. that's a LOST CASE! i fail maths. urgh! it's was bloody hard. the only part i tried and could do, i guess, was the algebra solve, expand and factorise. i think of matin only, *POOF* i can do. so did rre. sweet. hahas.shit my brother come home! nevermind. hahas. this thursday go visiting yarh? clueless raudhah. hehe.
hanisah don't look emo or what. must stay happy. smile2 yarh?
i wonder. hmmm, where is the message in the bottle now? hahas. cheeky raudhah. but i'm NOT cheeky. whatever.
eh why my brother and matin have the same attitude? love to pinch my cheek la then the way they dress also the same[not in a sense], behave almost the same. but one thing is not is that my bro is really into soccer. matin? i don't know. hahas. but resassure, they are so alike. maybe they twins ehk. because people DO mistook them for chinese. haiis... matin my brother? hahas. firdaus is a sure one. hahas.
eh sampai sekarang tak reply2 budak itu. kamu marah ya? atau sengaja tidak mahu? atau...
sebaliknya? hmmmm...
i'm not jealous, ok maybe a bit. but i can't do anything kan. so, like always, raudhah will always let whatever be, be. just let it happen. gawd! so many history of 2005 is repeating itself. don't you think?
by the way, one day, i'm going to the park and liquid of what we friends did to the innocent pillar. yarh? kekeke...
okies i want to go eat... SALAMI PIZZA. *mouth watering* yummy.

ok so there was NO ngaji again. Gawd! i'm so going to have to catch up. sorry ya ustazah? haiis. and i went to study had to wear TUDUNG! because i thought ah lepas study terus go ngaji. sekali no ngaji. and.... I LOST THE DUIT YURAN!!! 20bucks! currently eating instant mashed potato. hahas. tomorrow maths and english paper 2. haiis... eh matin! your head ah i want to take your money! it's ok, ok? i'll FIND a way, i hope so, to get the 20bucks. maybe tomorrow i go there and find. haiis... how can i NOT realise it was MISSING??!! haiis, retribution. hahas.didn't had time to eat. so now i eat la. haiis...
wah just now after lit. paper go central as usual routine. hehe. then we all laugh like what sey at the void deck. semangat sak. then got jiwang-ers tau. consist of bobo, haikal and umar[he not so]. hahas.
ok so here i am in front of the bloody computer screen updating my damn blog and go to the usual webbies. also eating and smsing hanisah and matin.
hahaha!!! haikal jamari. close answer yet so far. i NEVER stead with matin sec.4/2 alright?!! get that in your damn bloody brain!!! urgh! make my blood boil only. hahas. ok i'm crazy. hmmms, ok ah malas nak update lagi.
by the way, FARAH!!! oh my gawd! im so jealous sia! you get to see husni sing. hanisah, my dad say because only two people so cannot go. bloody hell. sial ah i BET husni looks HOT! hahas. i guess that's all.
Hawaii dance, Bay Watch and Techno Pub. hahas.
Helmet proof and coconut substituition. hahahahahahaha...

right now doing up MATIN's frienster profile. hahas...
what only matin. you... nevermind. hahas...
haiis, tomorrow is Lit. paper. and in the afternoon go study again. if can urhs.
rre what time tomorrow ah?
haiis... now chatting with the usual.. hahas..
what only ariff...
haiis... so how tomorrow??
clueless me...
rre SABAR... haahs..
so bored today. haiis, sis lya nice blog.
gawd!! i'm clueless!!! tomorrow i got ngaji at 6pm plus ah...
anything will do ah. haiis...
ok nak makan buh byes...

i got one question to ask :-
what happen if i made it JC next year, sec.3?
haiis...
got this integrated programme ah my mum ask to take. if i pass the test, next year i'll go JC and not be in PRCS anymore. ok, honestly i WANT to go to JC. but then if i go next year, i'll be separated from my beloved friends and that someone of mine. haiis...
oh my gawd!! the topic is so PENING kepala!!! urgh!! should i try it out? i'm so confuse now.
what am i to do?? persue my education dream or be with what i have now? this is so killing!! but what's the best is... LIT in JC is OPTIONAL!! yayness.. but now i don't know what to do..
i'm so so don't know what to do.
if i dapat masuk how? if tak dapat i understand. if DAPAT. macam mana?

by the way rre, happy birthday to farrehann [correct spelling?]
takpe2... MR will get back on rreliff. muahahaha... somehow ah. hehe.
haiis... ok ah now i nak go pening kepala on whether to go JC or not next year. i'm happy that got such programme ah. but i don't know if i can make it and if i want to make it. haiis...


HELP ME!!!

group study was fun and enjoyable just now. arm rest. hahas. eh rre, you want the pic i take just now? hmmms, hehe.
belajar at where? hahas. what only matin. now you faham malay?? haiis, i did my best to teach you abit of malay. remember taus. NOT Terima Kasih. but Throw, Kick, Hapus alright? haas...
then go makan. ape je that uncle. the PRICE was 3.80 bucks. but he sell to me THREE BUCKS!!! and matin get slightly MORE cutlet. whatthehell??!! and also that is because the extra cutltet he kasi is FOR me. what only. crazy. foyoo!! makan. sheesh. hahas. angin keluar banyak. sound effect pun banyak. laughter pun banyak. sweet. but it was all fun and blasting. hahas. and when i balik, i got scolded from my dad. hello?! i go makan after studying up to 6 plus. makan takes about 10-20 mins kan? so you can't scold me ok. somemore me and rre rushed home as fast ok. we know we late. sorry la ok? haiis...
takpe2... one of these days it's MR versus rreliff. hahas. syiok sey. study2 rak2 and have time to relax after that. neat.
dang! went to ngaji just now. but no one at home. and i got scolded from me mum. ok fine. i didn't go ngaji for more than one month. haiis. look i'm sorry ok? i'll from now on go ngaji no matter what alright? haiis...
ape je matin. ngaji at that somewhere of yours itu pun kena simpan secret. secret society ke ape? hahas. ok2 sorry3 alright?
so today was a nice study day. me and rre learn alot. and we had fun. except the part we balik TER-lambat sedikit. Maaf yarh?
by the way, hanisah, sorry ah girl. if can, i really3 want to go. but my parents already lost mood. because reach home slightly late. haiis, sorry ok?
i hope i can do well in my papers ah. lit never study that much. but i hope i do well. well, 5 papers down. 5 more to go. MYE end soon yarh? all i must think about now is the 9am target on thursday. and TADUUMM!!! end of MYE. then can lepak2 and go take neos [if i feel like it] and start with the CIP fund-raising. eh rre, how to do the badge?? clueless raudhah. haiis...
need to go. go watch tv that is. hahas.

just now was science paper. ok2 urhs. haiis, hope i pass ah. then go central with the usual. then go blk 104 again. talk talk only. hahas. then bobo, haikal, shafiq and umar come. what only sey haikal. haiis...
rre went home to change. then she came back. now she, farah, shab and nis at central. i went home ah. later go study with matin. hahas...
haiis, i'm so fed up. don't know why. haiis...
eh kamu pergi sembahyang ya. don't because want to study with me you skip. go tau.(:
i'm so fucking bored. urgh!
ok ah i want to bath. ciao.

geography was ok. just abit rushing. but i made it. yayness. eh matin, ok i DID put some effort in doing the maths paper alright? relax ok? i got all the facts and all right. but i didn't know how to put them in sentences. weird huh.? haiis...
went central with nur amirah, rre, nis, farah. then go to blk 104 and talked to nur amirah the mum. thinking of going group study. rre, me and nur amirah can. nis and farah can't. haiis...
then talked at blk 104 with nis, rre and farah [nur amirah gone home already] like crazy. what only ''super baby''. then push the baby in back. hahas. learning science what. hahas. then at 1pm all balik.
i was syiok2 watching tv suddenly sis lya call. i didn't ask matin to wait at the blk. clueless raudhah. i went down, talked to alyah then went over to matin. kamu pergi belajar ya? hahas. lucky i was in school uniform. then i went up back. get ready to go study with rre and nur amirah at white sand the library. i disturb matin. hahaha! can't find me. hehe. then met rre and went to fetch nur amirah. we walked all the way to white sand. talk and talk and talk. hahas. reach library, we study and listen to music. then around 4pm plus gi mkn kat mac. met suhailah [correct spelling?] sec.3. then we balik. fun arhs. met with matin. ape je. hahas. but it was fun.
i'm prepare for tomorrow. i think. hahas. but hope i do well.

why did i throw my bloody tantrum at him??!! when he was KIND enough to HELP me in maths despite wasting his PRECIOUS revising time revising his maths. Urgh(!) i'm so sorry.... really am. haiis...
tomorrow exams started already. i gotten all my facts for geography right. but i just don't know how to put them in correct sentences. haiis...
yesterday was so funny!!! hahas... nice sey nur amirah and matin fight. macam diva2 seys. hahas... but it was nice.
i'm like so bored dead sey. ini pun setakat update just to release my anger. i so can't believe i blew it off.
talking about i blew it off, on 250406, i totally blew off my bloody emotions. dang! i slashed. there were 30 marks. gawd! i truly REGRETTED it now. it really hurt the arm. haiis, thx to that someone. i don't wish to have a grudge on her. i don't hate her. i never did. but she did. ohs wells. i can't be her good friend. a casual friend is good enough yarh? i hope so. haiis...
hanisah, you ARE doing well. keep up the good progress. we love the hanisah that is happy and bubbly. whee~ hahas...
ok go to go...bubyes...