... makes me wonder ...

sometimes when they say the sky is the limits, they're lying...

didn't go for band. instead i took over sean's place of going to NYP for a students D&T seminar. easier said, the whole of 4five band members didn't attend band :D
anyways, headed there, was one of the early schools to come. sat at the 2nd row. quite a number of schools. err, pasir ris crest, dunman, punggol, orchid park etc. can't remember much. seminar was ok i should say. well i was busy taking pictures. well i was told to. memories it will be. teehee. anyways, saw a few of what i call a twin. there were only two actually. & both were totally twin look-alike. first was this guy who looked like matin. side, front, back zomg. except... ahahks. next was abg ashraf look-alike. zomg all of us were shock laa. however, who cares.
after seminar, had a tour around the building. being this year's sec4 cohort, our main attraction when we were given 10mins to venture the shopping arcade was CHEERS :D bought nachos with hanisah. she bought kit kat. thank you! wondered around then headed to the auditorium, had refreshments & went back to school. everyone was beaten out. tired yaww.
headed to central with nadrah. then came nizamFISH. then the doggiebell(a,e,i,o,u) people. bla bla bla. headed home about 1930h. that's about it.

OH! i passed my maths common test! yayness. everyone aced an A1 except for one. shall not name who, so zip it. shazni, we aced it alright! sadly to say, i'm sure of seeing a big fat B3/B4 in my holy A4 report card for malay. fcuk it. i better buck up. it's true what mum said. sigh, well, 26th May is not far from february you know. zomg.that reminds me, D&T have to be task too. ideation ideation & more ideation. at least 10? that's when artifact should be started already. omg, i hope my artifact is a success one. i badly need & want that freaking A1. save me lots of points. *lalalala, deng deng* sigh.
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disturbance in my mind for today
i don't feel the happiness of life, in a way. mainly because the stress for Os is taking me on. other than that, is there any other reasons to it? i suppose so. i don't know. like what i told nadrah, things just doesn't seem right, sometimes, when it was (right) in the beginning. i must remember that the world of happiness does not always revolves around me *cue to ms Z's fav. phrase* sigh.

Escuchado algunas canciones, me recuerda a usted. Algunas zonas que caminó i pasado demasiado. De alguna manera, yo te echo de menos, mucho. I perder esos tiempos. I saber que no siempre puede suceder. Sin embargo, esos mensajes simplemente se desvanecen. Que sólo vienen una vez en una, lo que ellos llaman, el azul de la luna. Honestamente, ¿han relived esos momentos? Es verdad, yo te echo de menos. Suspiro. Y es usted quien siempre me da mariposas en mi estómago cada vez que estoy con usted. Y que es un comentario positivo. Te amo.
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i'm done. sigh.
to sufiah: of course dearest i will come (: i will help you alrights (: a promise *pinky swear* ahahks

&& to ADRIE. HAPPY 16th ok (: smile smile always.

... sometimes ...

& sometimes butterflies do bring tears of joy to me even if they scare me.

updates updates updates!

Monday ; 180208
ANNA FOO & FARREHA are 16yrs old (: sadly for them, there was english common test. after which i can't remember what happened, so my bad (: who cares anyways :D

Tuesday ; 190208
draggy day. XJ(male) told me something which made me stoned for a moment. sigh, thanks for telling (: had lecture session with nadrahGF for 1 period. remember what i said ok (: had MT class test. zomg, the passage is really !@#$. no comments. after school went to McDonalds at Loyang Point with nadrahGF. yes, i told her to not go for CCA [ nadrah it's told you not to go, not skip ok, ahahks ] she needs to shut down her working brain. did maths. then we headed to Central. saw Ali H. ahahks. then met allyme, shazniTWIN and nash. after that headed home.

Wednesday ; 200208
HANISAH turns 16th. main sedap poke people's butt with marker. aiyoo! ahahks. had 6hrs of maths. it literally killed my inner self. had tuition at night. was really half dead. it's good sometimes i keep quiet & you talk ok (: hehe. after that hit the sack & slept like an "oink oink".

Thursday ; 210208
nothing that i can remember. except i had chemistry extra class. nash and i did the practices on our own. we rock baybeh! during lunch break, shazniTwin & i headed to library & used the computer. shazni, we rock hard you know. sometimes the pig is really yellow. ahahks, COWard eyys.

Friday ; 220208
i bet you. 3/4 of the sec4s were like mad students revising mainly chemistry. stress i tell you. combined science common test was doable i should say. careless here & there. sigh. just hope i do well. after that i headed for band. finally! mr shahLAME came (: oh, zafran's cute. ahahks. [nevertheless my friend, ily (:] the contrast is there i should say. ahahks. taught sufiah mallets. oh! she was from angklung and was transferred (: after band headed to Central with nadrahGF & syafiqah. i miss those moments. haha. bought (actually nadrah, thanks (: ) STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKE :D then home.

Today ; 230208
had T.A in the morning. it was the funniest shiet of all. the 2nd last activity that is. zomg laa. ended 20mintues later, sorry. went to meet my friend. then home. will be having tuition at 1700h. maths baybeh! brother is currently at the air show. no fair laa. i want to go but cannot ): nevertheless at least i can sleep at home. ahahks :p
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disturbance in the mind for today
somehow, i've been day dreaming a lot these passed few weeks. any reasons why? i don't know why. ever since that bus incident, she's all that was ever in those dreams that made me cry. those dreams which had me crying because she got in between. & when i read it off her friendster, maybe i'm just being paranoid. that one name could be anybody. however, is that name referring to who i think it is? i don't know. like i said, i'm currently living in a world of possible paranoia. slap me if i deserve it. & when i saw those messages, my inner self was being questioned. however, i know i have no rights to feel this way. forgive me since i do.
however, she's as though seen sucking up, a lot. for god's sake, get a life. yea i know, i'm nothing compared to your prettiness. however, i'm something when it comes to comparing my brains. i don't brag. i insult. i don't demoralize. i critic. i don't tarnish names. i watch you putting yourself down. as much as i love to bring you down, i know, i have absolute no rights to do so.
i'm friendly. i don't expose myself. i don't wear clothes which seems to have been eaten up by the person itself. i don't have 935839252332 guy friends waiting for me outside school to fetch me. i don't critic my own friends nor do i put their name here big big & insult them. i don't hate.
hate is stupid. stupid is a mean word. therefore, hate is mean.
don't get it, shut up. to whoever is reading this, don't ever think it is you. this is a general post. if you think it is you, be my guest to tag "i fcuking think it is me". oh, do remember, your name is most appreciated. never will i reveal who is this. i know i have absolute no rights. however, as they say right nadrah/alyah/shazni/aishah.
sometimes the sky is green, the tress are blue. the grass is pink & the pigs are yellow.
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i want to sleep. bye.

swensen's outing was uber fun :D thank you my friend.
next time, bring your specs along. ahahks.
alright, i'm lazy to type out. anyways, who cares :D ahahks.

Design & technology is really getting my head cracked open ready to be smashed. sigh. face it, i have no ideas. so wait till Christmas to get it if you have to do so. honestly, another additional 3 ideations to do. & guess what, i don't even have an artifact in mind to make. conclusion? how am i suppose to do ideation? sigh. i have much objection of dropping the subject. i'm already losing hope in this subject, literally. soon, you'll find me not wanting to do the folio, at all. however, face it, i badly want that A1 grade for my Design & technology. what am i to do. sigh, fcuk.

&& when everything else fails, don't let it affect other things in you. different can mean good at times. i know, i'm at no position to say all this. however, if ever you pop up in my blog to read, i hope you will understand. simple can mean good. never will i put what i've said to you as compliments. it happens i just know you that more fair bit than you know. we're all at lost for words. & plus, i've no comments. literally, i've the right to say that all my words to you just simply goes in & right out back. you are who you are, & i have no right to force those words in. i've tried all i could. however, fail to convince you the truth to all that i know of. i rest my case.
*p.s. to illegal ustazah : rest assured, i'll always be there to comfort you alrights (: come on we three are illegal ustazah rocking hard (:

&& next. if you think you are such a sexy bitch who thinks by giving that "fcuk-it's-her-that-i-don't-like" look, you jolly well realise, you're fat (: & face it, PasirRisCleaningService (stated by my friend after telling him a story behind this name) is way friendlier than you. & don't think i was so fascinated & amazed when i saw those two humongous chicken drum let legs of yours. really, you had my eyes burning. don't be a proud, action fat ass in public. because you only will make me want to laugh at you (:

okayy, i'm done updating. now, i would like to rest. if you notice, i'm supposed to be at band. however, headaches do suck a lot. plus! those symptoms of i-am-going-to-fall-ill driving me crazy, i've asked han zhen to excuse me from band today. that means no LAME today :D ahahks.
alrights. bye! & sorry for the rude paragraphs above. really, my bad.

& i swear i can break down any moment.
design & technology is killing me.
i'm not done with proper analysis which has to be completed by monday.
i'm not done with that fcuking mind map (my weakest area, doing mind map).
i'm stuck just like that without knowing what to do.
&& is mannequins and dress forms different or similar?
enlighten me, someone, PLEASE )':
i feel like dropping the subject. sigh.
*slap yourself raudhah*

anyways, i'm really blank at the moment. instead of doing my design & technology, i'm updating here. fcuk. alrights, that aside.

&& i swear if i can, i feel like turning everything inside out. i dislike that girl laa okayy. really. aishah, you know who i'm referring to. && if possible, i feel like putting someone into one house and blow it up. sigh. ok, that aside.

really, everytime i stumble upon her profile/blog, i can't help it but to think and feel that way. && that comment. fcuk yaww. i know i shouldn't be acting this way. slap me for all i care. really. seeing her that day, literally, shocked me like fcuk. can all these just stop? sigh, endure. & i'm still considering the fact.

aishah, i don't how else i'm suppose to feel, really. i've hinted about it. however, i don't know how to let it out. what if it's being taken wrongly? sigh. this sucks. we'll talk about it online, can? sigh.

bloody hell wrong with me )':

*deleted block quote*

it's like in the wee hours of eve of CNY :D i'm telling you, i'm staying up late here because i've no school tomorrow (: 5days straight, holiday baybeh! ahahks :D
anyways, yesterday, things were not well for me, at all.

bloody hell i had 3 tests.
bloody hell i said the word fcuk 10,000 during tests (exaggerated but still!).
bloody hell i'm not in my best mood.
bloody hell i shouted at my junior.
bloody hell i scolded him.
bloody hell i use that mean word.
bloody hell i cried.
bloody hell i couldn't comfort a friend in need of one.
bloody hell i saw that fcuking comment.
bloody hell i cried till my eyes were similar to those belonging to panda's.
bloody hell my phone became mean towards me.
bloody hell i received my 20+ messages after 2300h.
bloody hell i couldn't reply my friend.
bloody hell design & technology is frying my brain.
bloody hell i dislike her (positive remark, for a few & i; aishah, you know who, sigh).
bloody hell what's with girls these days.
bloody hell i'm an irritance.
bloody hell i said the word sorry almost 10,000 times (exaggerated but still!).
bloody hell i'm awake when i'm suppose to be sleeping.
bloody hell i'm tired.
bloody hell i should stop saying bloody hell.
bloody hell i deserve a tight fcuking slap on the face.
bloody hell why am i behaving like this, fcuk.
&& random fact : je t'aime 2785, hell ya i do :')

ok diam raudhah. sigh. really, i'm having awful panda eyes ): & i wish for all this temporary nightmare to end. like i've said & i'll say it again, je t'aime my friend ♥

alrights, night.

crushed in the brain ):

headache just sucks you know. sigh. it had cut my enthusiasm to finish up my SS half way this morning. sheesh. however, thank god i managed to complete it though after resting for a few minutes. screw headaches. sigh.

Sunday. supposedly a free day for me. however, it bores me, as always. ahh whatever. anyways, shall update on those last few days ok (:

310108 ; Thursday
err, nothing that i can recall. wait, i think i'm recalling it. OH, remembered :D
headed to loyang point with nadrah and umairah. did whatever homework we could. waited for alyah and shazni. once they arrived, we walked to central, slacked for awhile and headed home. ahahks, something cute happened. alyah's keychain which had two humongous buns on the head fell on the road. we were practically screaming laa. because it was a matter of life and death laa. the keychain was near to it's death of getting ran over. luckily it didn't and john was the hero as he was fed up with us screaming. HAHA. thanks yaww (:

010208 ; Friday
1st Feb! ahahks, errr nothing much happened. we got our cheer. it's cute & i like it (: after that alyah, shazni, umairah and i headed to Whitesands. shazni and umairah didn't have CCAs. while alyah and i had. planned to skip it. however, mother nature was trying to make us good CCAs students. she spoiled out mood of skipping CCAs. since we had nothing much to do. so alyah and i headed back for CCAs, while the other two headed home. once in band, mr shah, as usual, disturb me. after which i fell asleep. ahahks. few minutes only. boring laa ok. after that headed back into band room. that's when mum called me. gawdd, i was rushing home like mad. about 1945h went out with bro to town. meeting my cousins there. reached about 2100h (-.-) ate at swensens. yummy. about 2230h headed home. was beat laa. went straight to bed. i must admit, being a moron, town is so beautiful at night :) walking with my cousins (only 2, since they fetched bro and i from MRT) is so cool laa. ahahks.

020208 ; Saturday
HAPPY 16th SEAN TAN :D
i still have 2mth 3days left till legally NC16 yaww ): ahahks.
had T.A. in the morning. wahh was down laa. wasn't feeling well. boo. after that headed to meet my friend. finally, i got hold of it! huahuahua :D at 1200h headed home while my friend headed for his T.A. once home, slept. woke up, then at about 1700h headed to T3. big laa. however, nothing much, geez. i love skytrain rides! hehe. bring back those memories. ate at T1. saw cute cute syed mohd nur. ahahks, then headed home. yea. that's about it.

ok, that's about it. ya. sigh, tomorrow's school. will be having practice :D i love 4five ok. really (:
hmm, it's raining. heavily. sigh, i know who to blame :P nevertheless, raindrops love ♥
alrights, i'm done. i want to rest, again. wahh headache killing me. mum said i still look stress, sigh ):

Et j'ai eu le choc de ma vie de 5 minutes mercredi dernier. Je scie SA dans le bus. Je jamais pensé i would vu son visage dans la réalité. Quelque part, quand je la voyais, ma pensée est devenue négative. Elle est toujours sur lui même si elle est attachée, ou alors elle est revendiquée elle? Je doivent être forts. Il est à moi, pas la sienne. Je devraient être reconnaissants (: je t'aime, de l'amour.