& it ended with a twist, downwards.

& yea baybeh! 3weeks off! i've officially completed my PPP : D *starts screaming like a mad woman*
my first 2 months at SP has been a wonderful one even though there were major downs. nevertheless, with the friends i've made, i truly love the polytechnic experience (: not only that, i've completed my first 4 modules! & i know it's nothing to be proud of but i gain a freaking B for E.O.M : D

& note to self: be confident during presentation. do NOT read fast (i know, i know) & lastly, keep doing freaking well for theory ^_^

however, for the past few days, i caught the flu bug. from malaysia (eyy what's this mann). till now, i've not yet recovered fully. it was truly an embarrassment when i kept coughing in the MRT here in Singapore. not only that, the nausea feeling after every meal, oh gawdd, that isn't good. plus having to look out for someone too ;) get well soon ok?

for the past 2weeks, many things happened. ups & downs, still life have to go on. i did my solo presentation for I.D.E.A module & i felt it went great. the minus point is that i kept repeating some words, i didn't really showed confidence & i was speaking almost like a bullet train (i know, i know).

i seem to be jumping to topics aye? ;P

last tuesday met up w anna, jeremy & another 4/7 guy. for the SPSU(pronounce it as SPISU, nyahaha) camp briefing. i hope the camp will be fun. the briefing was fun. yes, like always, i had to do a forfeit (i lost 3 times in the game: concentration O.o). i had to actually introduce myself to the whole lot that were present for the briefing. paisey but mann, i'm famous! LOL, okay no. after that i met up with nadrahhhh! did my prayers at her house before heading for band! mann, raimi & solomon were there too. ahahks. after that headed to central whereby my mood turned off due to some unexpected things, sheesh.

wednesday was supposed to go blading with anna but sadly i didn't because i was down with terrible fever :/ however, it got better in the afternoon & i went to meet shab & rre. we had a lot to talk about. see funny pictures (only WE know) & just talk randomly. i miss them loads!

i'm lazy to update. still not getting any better. now i feel like puking. gaah. so does someone. ohmygawdd! plesae can we all get well soon?! haishh.

& i really really miss you, loads. please, get well soon (:

& when we match

& when it didn't seem to match.

& yes about a week has passed. i'm already 17 yrs old. i don't feel old. however, i feel more pressured. by certain things in life. when it was actually a perfect scene. i don't know laa.

last wednesday headed down to SP with anna for her enrolment. yes i know, i'm not supposed to be in school, but i was alright. at the same time, rahim was in SP too, so i passed the marketing papers to him. after the enrolment was done, anna & i went to look at CCA. funny can. there's this guy from DMIT who went up to anna suddenly (while his peers were talking to her about joining camp) & showed her this, "EXPLORE SINGAPORE POLYTECHNIC WITH ME!" then he covered the middle part & it became, "EXPLORE ME!" -____-" then he changed to another paper which had an email address. he does that to everyone whom his peers will catch to ask them to join camp. after the CCA, headed to the IT area for anna to purchase her laptop, MAC :D the process of it was, ma fan lorr. the funniest thing that happened was that, anna lost note #1. we went outside & i organised her F.O.P at the same time finding note #1. when we thought we had found note #1, note #2 went missing. she then took important papers & literally said, "eyy see ahh. SEE AHH, i put inside here ok. I PUT OK." you should here it laa. then she suddenly found note #2 which she thought was note #1. so note #1 was still missing. & finally, we gave up & went in still. suddenly she said, "eyy, sekali the note.. (puts hand inside pocket & pulled out a piece of paper)" & i went, literally, -_____-" it was note #1. we laugh like mad laa. funny process mann. but the good part is that her F.O.P was organised! yay! after getting her MAC, we headed back to pasir ris, ate KFC & explored her lappy. after that, we headed home (:

anyway, next week i'll be having 1week break, finally, no. i still have to come back on thursday to do my presentation. a couple of my group mates will be on SUPERSTAR VIRGO CRUISE *start cursing & swearing rahim + idros* it's so cool, can? gaah. anyway, they'll definitely enjoy & i will of course enjoy the last 5days of my DPA will fellow CLUSTER 3. hey hey! i'll definitely do the cluster t-shirt alright (: *pinky promise*

today is Cheering Competition & Cross Country for PRCS. awww, i miss those days. i went to the 2nd event. i went with jaslynBARSTY & shu shu ^_^ miss them can! managed to chat with my lovely 1/6. i miss them all can. && danial, you can only like me, *inside joke*
after cross country i met up with my usual & headed home. it's quite quiet towards the end.

i can never understanding what you're feeling now. however, i know one thing's for sure, ily.

& a short poem made by my cousin, cool (:

I’m sitting here in a boring room
It’s just another rainy Sunday afternoon
I’m wasting my time, I got nothing to do
I’m hanging around, I’m waiting for you
But nothing ever happens – and I wonder
I’m driving around in my car
I’m driving too fast, I’m driving too far
I’d like to change my point of view
I feel so lonely, I’m waiting for you
But nothing ever happens, and I wonder

seventeen, forever

& 5 different cakes from 5 different love on 5th of March (:

before anything,
& yes, happy birthday to them too ^_^

& that is one of the few things i got today. & those cakes made me embarrassed for the day. thank you for the continuous wishes made on facebook, tagboard, sms & even face to face. appreciated them loads :D
& thank you for the gifts given. *moo moo*

school was a per normal. had oral test today. i didn't do quite well. ms melinda caught me. she found out i have exam fears. honestly, she's good. & hence, i didn't get an A for the first test. hopefully, my performance in class & the remaining 2 test i will do well enough to get a distinction for her class. i really want to (:

& i ended up going to the remaining part of the lessons today. i dreaded it once i entered but it turned out to be an embarrassing one when yi hui, yi xian, joevin, wei jie & li ying came in & suddenly shouted, "raudhah, happy birthday!" & started singing. malu tauuu! then after that, they presented me with the box of cake above. i teared seyys. what the heck. embarrassing can. haiyaa! after that, continued class. had social thingy thingy. fun! once class ended, rahim gave me my turty back! wahh style you know. my turty now got two tone but it's nice (: & really really much appreciate what he gave me. will take care of it like mad, for sure, 100% gurantee :)
& of course the two lovable bears that i got from nadrah & jaslyn+shu ming. LOVE A LOT CARE BEARS :D I LOVE THEM TOO ♥
& ozozo bby! i love it i love it i love it! thank you so much ♥♥

other than that, the flowing of wishes since 0000hr till just now was ohmygayy! i became li ying for the day, *li ying knows what i mean* however, really, thank you so much! :D

& just because,

& even girls have feelings too, not just the guys.

& ya things can be taken lightly, i don't care because i know it means nothing. however, if all the time you become the place where every single thing, people make fun of, what do you feel? true, it may be a small matter but not when it happens every single day except for wednesday. i truly feel disgusted with myself for being kind & having to put up with them. *rahim, i'm sorry*

that $150 which was given to me for the 2months PPP is for me to get used to polytechnic studies & life. to like polytechnic life, not hate it. & that money paid is not for me to become a place where you can make a joke out of everything i do/say/react/etc. every single fucking school day that we have. that money paid is not for me to be used when needed & ignore like a fucking ghost when not needed. that money paid is for me to learn/study/make friends. not fucking be made fun of/being used/being stepped on the head/ignore like a ghost/a place to argue with & make me look inferior. i fucking have feelings too, just like you. i fucking have limitations, just like you. everything i say/do, gets commented. get debated. the work i've done, you want to see/to check, ok fine you get it. your work, i don't even check. why? because i fucking trust you did a good job. i fucking put my fucking trust in you. because why? because we are a team. though there will be ups & downs but what the fuck. everything i do, i get marked down. just because you have a dick & i don't? just because you are well-known, you can do whatever you like? you want that fucking title as a leader, fine, go take it. it's just a stupid position. i don't care. in my school, in my class, we don't fight as to who should become leader. everyone is a leader at their own good points. however, we have a leader who knows her role & that is to keep the class united, to acknowledge suggestions given, to split up workload so that everyone has a part to do. i'm trying to make the team work well together, but what happened? i was fucking left to just fucking listen to you talking & when i make suggestion, i was fucking ignored. i was fucking ask to do things when needed & fucking left thereafter when not needed. ya, it seems to fucking repeat. you know why? because those are the usual fucking things you do.

i don't care if you are fucking better than me. because in a team, everyone is fucking equal. it's just the one fucking level higher that each and everyone has to make the fucking team better/unique than others. you fucking get the point? i fucking doubt so. because you will fucking think i'm just some fucking over fucking sensitive girl who fucking can't take a joke. ohh what if i fucking make fun of you everytime & fucking make you an outcast. you fucking like it?

you know, i felt fucking guilty when the small argument erupted. you think i fucking like it having that? you're fucking wrong. i don't want to be made a fucking fool nor to be seen as a fucking hot headed girl.

look, everyone wants to end this PPP with good/funny yet meaningful memories. i know you do. so do i. so can you please fucking stop all the teasing. like stated above, even girls have fucking feelings & limitations. not just the guys that fucking have it.

you have no idea how much fucking anger/tears/guilt i have while typing all those fucking words out.

& one last pointer. this post is being typed out in general. whoever think it's them, i have no comment. i clearly state that it refers to no one. if you think i'm a bad liar, try me.

& YES, I'M A FREAKING S.M.A.C.T BLOGGER FOR THE NIGHT. & I FREAKING HATE IT.