& even girls have feelings too, not just the guys.
& ya things can be taken lightly, i don't care because i know it means nothing. however, if all the time you become the place where every single thing, people make fun of, what do you feel? true, it may be a small matter but not when it happens every single day except for wednesday. i truly feel disgusted with myself for being kind & having to put up with them. *rahim, i'm sorry*
that $150 which was given to me for the 2months PPP is for me to get used to polytechnic studies & life. to like polytechnic life, not hate it. & that money paid is not for me to become a place where you can make a joke out of everything i do/say/react/etc. every single fucking school day that we have. that money paid is not for me to be used when needed & ignore like a fucking ghost when not needed. that money paid is for me to learn/study/make friends. not fucking be made fun of/being used/being stepped on the head/ignore like a ghost/a place to argue with & make me look inferior. i fucking have feelings too, just like you. i fucking have limitations, just like you. everything i say/do, gets commented. get debated. the work i've done, you want to see/to check, ok fine you get it. your work, i don't even check. why? because i fucking trust you did a good job. i fucking put my fucking trust in you. because why? because we are a team. though there will be ups & downs but what the fuck. everything i do, i get marked down. just because you have a dick & i don't? just because you are well-known, you can do whatever you like? you want that fucking title as a leader, fine, go take it. it's just a stupid position. i don't care. in my school, in my class, we don't fight as to who should become leader. everyone is a leader at their own good points. however, we have a leader who knows her role & that is to keep the class united, to acknowledge suggestions given, to split up workload so that everyone has a part to do. i'm trying to make the team work well together, but what happened? i was fucking left to just fucking listen to you talking & when i make suggestion, i was fucking ignored. i was fucking ask to do things when needed & fucking left thereafter when not needed. ya, it seems to fucking repeat. you know why? because those are the usual fucking things you do.
i don't care if you are fucking better than me. because in a team, everyone is fucking equal. it's just the one fucking level higher that each and everyone has to make the fucking team better/unique than others. you fucking get the point? i fucking doubt so. because you will fucking think i'm just some fucking over fucking sensitive girl who fucking can't take a joke. ohh what if i fucking make fun of you everytime & fucking make you an outcast. you fucking like it?
you know, i felt fucking guilty when the small argument erupted. you think i fucking like it having that? you're fucking wrong. i don't want to be made a fucking fool nor to be seen as a fucking hot headed girl.
look, everyone wants to end this PPP with good/funny yet meaningful memories. i know you do. so do i. so can you please fucking stop all the teasing. like stated above, even girls have fucking feelings & limitations. not just the guys that fucking have it.
you have no idea how much fucking anger/tears/guilt i have while typing all those fucking words out.
& one last pointer. this post is being typed out in general. whoever think it's them, i have no comment. i clearly state that it refers to no one. if you think i'm a bad liar, try me.
& YES, I'M A FREAKING S.M.A.C.T BLOGGER FOR THE NIGHT. & I FREAKING HATE IT.
