how long must it take for me to really understand all this? it takes patiency, understandings and of course time to really make everything that very fairly clear for me to understand. it's still unclear to me. it's as though there's just that faint fog blocking the way. i could use some help. using the vacuum or the fan. ok i'm talking nonsense here. but basically i hope i'm able to understand it. with the mids of Ramadhan, much patiency i'm having, that would make me feel better :)

preparation for the EOY? pretty much on the right road. every recess and break will sit in the classroom[though not allow, but it doesn't matter] where there's only bobo, nini & aminabi making a whole lot noise, and me there sitting alone concentrating on what i suppose-to-kill-me-instantly, i think i'm getting a hang of it. with much insultations turn words of encouragement by my brother, i realise it's not just study, revise, do the papers and get over it. it's more of doing it to understand it really hard and trying to put it all into that one thing they call the brain. at the same time trying not to panic when something doesn't go into the brain but rather having a say that do well to pass and not just do and get over with it.

'N' levels kicked off yesterday. he seemed to be doing pretty well, i presume. he commented it was not as hard as what he thought it was. have a straight thinking that you will pass and you'll, insya'allah, pass without a doubt. why am i saying all this? prfft.

is it just that fairly wrong to be talkative when it's already in you since you started talking? i doubt so. you, on the other hand, go around talking as though that person is on a deserted island and is partially deaf. pretty much obvious you told him, who yesterday talked me off. nevertheless, i'm still patient and these all are not fully in my brain. it's been drained out after my-oreo-cheese-cake-friend talked nonsense about sec. life he's gone through. you, obviously, had to tell lies to oh-so-emo-guy that so taught me the wrong way to feel relax. talk and no stop but knows when to stop is already in me. what do you expect me to do if you hate it? give it to you? nah, that's a bad one. 'cause i'll have to take that oh-so-irritating-voice-of-yours. do you want me to stitch my mouth so that i can't talk and totally keep tight shut? that's better. but then i'll probably have to pour out that much amount of money to do so. so, why don't you sponser and give me the money to stitch my mouth? wouldn't that be nice? think about it. on top of that, be sure, i'm still standing strong and trying hard to do what's best for me. which is studying, though it kills me deeply. but nevermind. that too drained out all this sec. life crisis and all the formula and methods and more shits enters leaving absolutely no space for nonsense to enter and stay.

i think i've said enough. i'm off.